Takeaways from a German Year
In my very first blog post—“Nice to Meet Q”—I mentioned that I’m married to a man who, upon receiving military orders for Germany, suggested I treat my writing aspirations as my job. He encouraged me to spend a year being a full-time writer in Europe, and that’s precisely what I did. I worked on projects, launched and updated my blog, and kept house in the lovely, little village of Bann.
Our year has come to a close, though, and we are back Stateside. Only seemed fitting, I figured, to share a glimpse of what our German year has given me.
There are the obvious things that come to mind: adventures and treasured memories and opportunities to view history. Their obviousness doesn’t detract from their value, of course, but they’re certainly not the only things I’m taking away from this experience.
I’ll be upfront, too, about the fact that this has been a challenging year. I was never one of those people itching to study abroad, and I’m more than a bit of a homebody. Adjusting to a new home, a new language, a new everything isn’t the easiest thing in the world. Simple activities I’ve never thought twice about have an added layer of complexity to them. Like going to the grocery store. Thank goodness for the Google Translate app helping me decipher labels so I can find what I need. But, oh, the anxiety over having to ask for something at the deli counter? The employees were never anything but courteous and kind, but asking for two chicken breasts has never felt as intimidating as it did over there.
I’ve thought a fair amount over the last twelve months how fascinating it is that some people would be excited over the deli counter interaction, excited to practice their language skills. Some people are thrilled to be immersed in different cultures, different communities, and thrive in those environments. My husband has more of that in him than I do in me because he didn’t exhibit any trepidation at giving German his best attempt. What’s more, he’s pretty dang good at it, too. Is that bravery? Confidence? Whatever it is, I wasn’t able to drum up enough of it, though I wish that could’ve been different.
There were a few times I’ve remarked to boysy that I’m an unlikely candidate for this living abroad business. It’s important I preface my reflections by pointing these things out so you, reader, may trust you’re not about to get a rose-tinted love letter talking about how everything was perfect about this past year. Authenticity is my intention, both in sharing the challenges and the joys.
So, where to start? What’s my first takeaway?
The time always passes, so you must do what you can to make the most of it.
Isn’t it funny, when we find ourselves in January 1st of a fresh year, it feels like it’ll take forever to reach December, again? Yet, inevitably, we get to the spring and say, “Already? I can’t believe it!” and so on for every successive season. That’s how it felt staring down this German year.
Boysy and I, even before we’d initially left the States, were tossing around ideas for places we’d want to go, trips we wanted to take. Friends and family were beginning to think about if/when they’d be able to come visit. That’s not to mention the one pal who pulled the trigger, booked his ticket for April, and we hadn’t learned when we were flying over to even get the year going. That was last October, and our bud said, “See you in a few months!” And, oh, how far in the future that felt.
October 2024 it remained to be seen all that we’d get up to and explore, and it’s always at the beginning you think you have time to do it all. You can cram everything into a daydream.
As it turned out, we didn’t go to the places we’d put down on our wishlist. Time flying by isn’t the only culprit to blame for that; finances deserves a fair amount of credit, too. But, seriously, how did the days pass so quickly?
I arrived out there to join boysy in time to celebrate the Christmas season, the first two months were all about trying to settle in, and, by the time we were ready for our first adventure, it was the middle of March. From then to August, we lived in a pattern of hosting loved ones for a week or two and then taking a week or two to rest from the activity. Though the time sped by, I’ll say this: What an absolutely wonderful way to spend it.
The everyday gave me so much to take advantage of, too. I’d set daily writing goals and weekly, self-imposed deadlines. It finally seemed to be a season when my Reading Nemesis and I both had time to give a literary podcast a go, so work related to The Nemesis Files (free on Spotify!) began. Creative projects aside, this was my first time taking care of a lovely, spacious home all on my own. Rhythms of housekeeping and tending a domestic life kept me busy, too. I’ve become a baker thanks to this year, and I’d never really thought I was particularly skilled in the kitchen before. Days, even when they were quiet, simple ones at home, were full.
And do you know what? I would never begrudge that because that means life was happening. We may not have been jetting off to dream destinations every weekend, but we were doing enough. Doing plenty. Taking advantage of my German year was less about how much of Europe I could see and more about being a newlywed, a focused writer, and a person trying to be okay in an unfamiliar home. The year’s reality turned out different from the dreams, and I left that country with an experience that’s something of a mixed bag. It’s not regretted time, though, and, at the very least, it wasn’t squandered.
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My second takeaway is much more surface-level, less complicated.
2. Welcoming loved ones into your home and hosting them is such a gift.
When my husband and I knew for sure we’d be living abroad, one of the first things we stressed to our pals and family was this: If you want to visit, we’d love to have you. A European vacation can be that much cheaper because you won’t have to pay for lodging. Just let us know when works for you, and we’ll put you down in the calendar.
We were so lucky that a handful of folks took us up on that.
I mentioned our first visitors arrived in March, and we had a delightful time in the Munich area before spending a few days closer to home. Also mentioned was our friend who’d called dibs on April and was content with just hanging out around where we lived, though there was an excursion to Dortmund to tour the futbol stadium there.
Then, in May for my birthday, my mom and grandmother came out. A pretty big deal because Grandmo hadn’t flown since the early 90s, and this was quite the trip to get her wings back on for. How lucky am I to have been a girl on one German adventure after another with these two ladies who mean so much to me?
My in-laws were over in July, and some people might have dreaded a visit like that but not me. I’d spent some time getting to know my husband’s family when we dated and then before we left the States, but their trip out to see us gave me more conversations, outings, and opportunities to get to know them better.
Our last guest, another buddy, came out end of July. His was a shorter stay only because he and boysy were going to Cologne with some other friends for an event. Still, a few days to keep company with a face from home is a treat.
Before this year, I’d not had a reason—or a place with a spare bedroom—to host anyone. Any friends who visited had to crash on the couch. So, to provide people with hospitality and home-cooked meals and to let them know they can rest and relax in my home was wonderful beyond words. I’ve been in the perfect position to play hostess, too. Sure, I’ve got my daily writing goals and whatnot, but how simple is it to set those aside to spend time with a loved one and say, “How about we hike up to some castle ruins today?”
I love our visitors, I loved having them in our home, and I hope to have reason (and room!) again to welcome them wherever we settle next.
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My final takeaway, for today, veers back into the more in-depth. Bear with me.
3. When God opens a door for you, your responsibility is to walk through it.
The few months leading up to us going overseas, I was beyond frustrated by my on-going lack of employment. More than that, I didn’t understand how I could be sending out so many job applications yet seeing them go nowhere. It’d spent five years at an education access non-profit and had left May 2024 because it was time. Ideally, the time to be moving from St. Louis up to Minnesota, but that’s a whole other story.
So, when boysy called me in September with this out-of-the-blue Germany opportunity, it suddenly made sense why my applications were met with radio silence. The door—the very unexpected door—God had opened for us was so totally different from anything I’d thought to anticipate on the career front, for either me or my husband. However, the unexpectedness of it didn’t negate the fact that it seemed God was guiding us in a specific direction. Even as boysy pursued the opportunity and a hundred hiccups kept stalling things. Even once we got out there and it was really hard for me.
I’ve not had to question why God led us over there and now back, though I’d been angry and homesick enough to wonder why He couldn’t have made the experience easier or simpler. Growing as newlyweds, in our spiritual lives, as people, reassures me that this year was intentional and orchestrated with purpose. It was challenging because that’s what I needed, not what I liked or preferred. It forced me to navigate discomfort because perhaps I’d been too focused on making my life comfortable.
Well, comfort isn’t really what life’s about. Everything can’t be easy. Making an effort to navigate and weather hard things is, hopefully, giving me more tools to be a better wife. A better friend. A more empathetic writer. A person who prays more. A person whose patience stretches a little further. Maybe. The patience thing seems like my lifelong work in-progress.
These thoughts also apply to how our year came to an end, which was unexpected and rapid.
Boysy was under the impression he’d be able to extend his orders, and we’d spend one more year out there. All seemed to be indicating that extension would go through just fine—only, rather last-minute, it didn’t.
How jarring and unsettling that was to learn. To make another big move after just starting to feel like maybe we were settling into life abroad and have the insecurity of livelihood taken away isn’t what I’d call fun. Boysy tried all he could to see if we could remain, but, at a certain point, it is what it is. And I, in a call with my mom, was reminded that you can’t force open a door, if God’s decided to close it.
That’s what it became apparent He had done for us in Germany. And isn’t it interesting that, after getting that reminder, I stopped resisting what God was working in our life and felt great peace over the matter? Maybe it’s interesting, or maybe it’s inevitable. Don’t get me wrong, due to how last-minute the decision was, September and October were stressful and exhausting. But I wasn’t fighting God. I wasn’t trying to race around and pry open a second, secret door. It’s made all the difference in my mindset heading into this new season.
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I know this time abroad will be something boysy and I will reminisce about for the rest of our lives, and I’ll be thinking about its ripple effects for a while. There’s a lot of gratitude alongside bursts of frustration, which just seems like life, in a nutshell.
I’ll have more next week on this German year, want to share a few, specific places we came to adore and the sweet, little village we got to call home.
Until then, thanks for reading & be well, friends.